Event date: 23-25 April 2022
BP Roadhouse, Officer. Early birds, latecomers, and latecomers with traffic excuses merge on M1 heading East towards Gippsland. A cheerful morning, a few rolling convoy poses for Graeme’s video cam, and a gentle start amongst a plethora of Saturday morning traffic. The excitement was tepid, but not for long.
We rolled off the M1 and onto the old Sale Rd (C426). Old houses, peaceful paddocks, and small town-centres with little more than a general store made for a relaxing run along ancient roads. Go right, go left, but go straight ahead? Despite the initial confusion, we discover a dogleg crossing over a main road. 5 kms along this was repeated. There would be more to come in this strange region of ‘Doglegsia’ with its bitumen oddities. Amongst the farmland where patches of dark dense forest craning over the road, and it was lights on in the middle of the day. Safety first.
Early bathroom and coffee stop at Traralgon. Jo confirmed our lunch booking for Paynesville, and we drove around Sale heading for Paynesville with a growing hunger on a warming sunny day.
“Hi.” “Hi.” “We’re here from the BMWDCM club.” “Welcome.” “Hello, can we get some meals?” “Oh nah, the chef doesn’t do lunches.”
Okay, the chef is not here but they still confirmed our lunch booking. “You can get fish & chips next door and eat them in here if you like. We’ve got beer.” Strange.
Not what we expected, but we got a beer, had a feed, and accelerated onwards.
Settling into Lakes Entrance, we looked forward to dinner at the Red Bluff Brewers. A convoy formed, everyone following the lead car. Unfamiliar roads, look, well unfamiliar.
After three laps of Lakes Entrance, Jo – our Queen fish – realised the team was stuck in a fishbowl vortex. “Oh, another roundabout, oh, another roundabout, oh, another roundabout”. Jo woke the BMW Goldfish club with a loud “Does anybody have a clue where we are going? That’s the third time I’ve seen that same roundabout.” The Clownfish was replaced with a navigation system, and off we went to the small brewery for a relaxing evening.
Day 2: Buchan Caves, Orbost and Marlo, here we come. After a cruisy drive, we assembled at the caves. Martin was sporting his tough-as Merrill hiking boots, looking like he had just flown in from Mt Everest. Sally was also proud of her special hiking boots. Leather with 3-inch heels looking she had just walked off a catwalk. Clearly the technology has advanced somewhat when it comes to sexy hiking boots.
Down, down, down, we stepped, learning to duck and squat as we squirmed through the height-challenged cave. And then emerged, into a huge open cavern. High, large, and open, the cavern came with large pool, stalactites (the ones that hang from the roof) and stalagmites. Our brains trust, Tilley, asked some great questions, resulting in more detailed engagement with the tour guide. FYI: So long as water and lime are seeping into the cave network, the stalactites grow at a rate of approximately 1cm every 100 years.
Many formations, from icy/snowy looking bright white flows at edge of pool, and lots of green and rust mineral colouring contrasting the whiter stalactites. Chandeliers, the mystery of the ancient kangaroo bones (even though no visible way in or out at that stage). We left the amazing underground wonderland and noticed a lazy kangaroo lying close to the track. Clearly time for lunch and a bit of sunshine.
We left and returned on an extremely indirect road, finding more bends than a bowl of spaghetti. Legendary Pete leads the way. Martin’s petrol heart was on fire, and he outpaced us in his M3 coupe. The roads got tighter, and Pete’s mini got meaner, with modified brake-lines and tough as ironman fluid preventing break fade. He braked late, and would exit the corner early, relying on front wheel bias to drag the mini out early. We caught Martin, who appeared to have crossed that time of day when an Englishman must pull over for tea and scones. We waved to him on the side of the road, and he re-joined the front pack.
Mello Yellow, that is Angelo’s distinctly yellow SS V8 Commodore valiantly battled on. Later Angelo would explain how his suspension was shot. That is certainly not the first or last time you will hear an excuse as to why it can be difficult to keep up with a BMW. (haha)
After this invigorating drive, thanks Peter, we were off to Marlo Hotel, for a ‘Splendour on the Grass’-like arrangement with live music and good food on the grassy valley, overlooking the Snowy River.
Day 3: Sunday morning. Many got up early for the Anzac dawn memorial in Lakes Entrance and appeared to be quite moved by the occasion.
Next adventure, a large boat to Metung for lunch. We only traversed a small percentage of the Lakes, realising how awesomely large the Lakes inlets are. We saw seals, dolphins, an eagle, and ate chocolate. The young adults, Tilley, Harper and Alice, brought out the youth in us, making it a great family weekend.
Thanks to Jo and Graeme, who ran a tab for some Junior Anzacs at Metung Hotel. It feels good to acknowledge the digger past and present, and they certainly enjoyed the beers.
John Shreeve | Member #579
BMW Drivers Club Melbourne
